Tuesday, January 17, 2006

"I said everything I had to say when I pulled the movie. OK? Anything else you want to know?"

Since we have to glean what Larry Miller "said," I'll take the first stab:

"Ladies and Gentlemen:

Many of you have voiced your discontent with my decision to pull Brokeback Mountain from my family-friendly theatres. My reason for this is simple: films that portray homosexuals or those with homosexual leanings as sympathetic and human figures are immoral. Many have pointed out that past features shown at my theatres have included homosexual characters and, to some degree, depictions or descriptions of homosexual acts and have used this to illustrate inconsistency or even hypocrisy in my judgment. What these people have failed to realize is that for years Hollywood could be relied upon for producing homosexual characters that are flamboyant, one-dimensional freaks created solely for the purpose of superficial entertainment. With Brokeback Mountain, it is clear that homosexual characters are now being portrayed realistically and placed in situations that causes viewers to self-reflect and to ponder new ways of attaining a heightened morality and developing compassion for their fellow man. Since I have an ardent desire to become more Christ-like, it should be obvious to everyone why I pulled Brokeback Mountain."

"Others have attempted to paint me as a moral hypocrite by pointing out that while Brokeback was cancelled, Hostel and other films that glamourize murder and other violent acts were permitted to be screened. The contention made here is fallacious. It is widely known that violent films have no effect on the actions of individuals, specifically children and teenagers. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said about films involving homosexual subject matter. Upon witnessing the ridiculously giddy and glamorous ending enjoyed by the characters in Brokeback, our young men would be tempted and likely corrupted into the homosexual lifestyle. As a pillar of this community, I have an obligation to ensure that the youth of Zion never think for themselves and perish in the inevitable personal destruction that would result."

"Please soften your hearts and consider the 0% financing I have to offer on our new '07 SUV's. Innenamajesuschristamen."


Blogger emresident said...


2:14 PM  
Blogger Ethan said...

Classic! Nice work.

8:50 AM  
Anonymous JackJack said...

Nice, nice, nice.

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Keep up the good work
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